I miss me. I've missED me---a lot.
I was reading through some old posts and found a comment from a once dear, dear friend. He said that I had such a precious heart and to 'take care of it'. That, I have not. I really can't say what happened. So much. Heart health. Fragile. Whoops. Not adequate, I know.
But man, I miss being so in-tune with myself---knowing and believing my own heart. It took me so long to appreciate me. I was never stubborn, but I was once certain of my own conscience.
I miss not being worried the way I am now. It's something horrible that is so hard to stop---like I don't trust anymore. It truly makes berating harder and things are so hard to fight.
I hope this is a lesson for me…that I was allowed to grow into a hardened lady just to see how horrible things can get if you forget to take care of the heart you were given.
I guess I come back to you, Xanga, because though you've been replaced with newer and better technologies…you always saw my young, genuine, teenage heart. And like a friend who doesn't deserve me, you're still here---account and all---intact and in a place where I can access, if only I wish.
I do wish. I wish so much.
If you see any of my old friends, tell them I hurt so much for not taking care of my heart. Tell them I am sorry and tell that, even when I find myself with a healthy heart again, I will miss them every day of my life. A few of you have really been on my mind lately and I ache to think that our paths have taken us to such different places and we'll never be able to be the friends we were before. Just know I love you, still, and wish only good for you. I am sorry… but I will always cherish the love and encouragement you provided for me and will miss you so, so dearly.
I would also like to add that my sisters mean the world to me---truly, and I hope they know that. I hope they stumble upon this and see this because, try as I may, I do not know that they understand the depth of my love for them.
Horrible, horrible things can happen if you begin to believe that you are anything less than a beautiful creation. Just horrible. So, for the friends I have left and the friends I have made along the way, take care of your hearts---they're precious and they're fragile.
I feel that the clarity is liberating…but it is heartbreaking, too, and it's hard to move past it so quickly. In fact, it's fishy that some people can…
So, please, please be patient. I have a lot to figure out.
I was reading through some old posts and found a comment from a once dear, dear friend. He said that I had such a precious heart and to 'take care of it'. That, I have not. I really can't say what happened. So much. Heart health. Fragile. Whoops. Not adequate, I know.
But man, I miss being so in-tune with myself---knowing and believing my own heart. It took me so long to appreciate me. I was never stubborn, but I was once certain of my own conscience.
I miss not being worried the way I am now. It's something horrible that is so hard to stop---like I don't trust anymore. It truly makes berating harder and things are so hard to fight.
I hope this is a lesson for me…that I was allowed to grow into a hardened lady just to see how horrible things can get if you forget to take care of the heart you were given.
I guess I come back to you, Xanga, because though you've been replaced with newer and better technologies…you always saw my young, genuine, teenage heart. And like a friend who doesn't deserve me, you're still here---account and all---intact and in a place where I can access, if only I wish.
I do wish. I wish so much.
If you see any of my old friends, tell them I hurt so much for not taking care of my heart. Tell them I am sorry and tell that, even when I find myself with a healthy heart again, I will miss them every day of my life. A few of you have really been on my mind lately and I ache to think that our paths have taken us to such different places and we'll never be able to be the friends we were before. Just know I love you, still, and wish only good for you. I am sorry… but I will always cherish the love and encouragement you provided for me and will miss you so, so dearly.
I would also like to add that my sisters mean the world to me---truly, and I hope they know that. I hope they stumble upon this and see this because, try as I may, I do not know that they understand the depth of my love for them.
Horrible, horrible things can happen if you begin to believe that you are anything less than a beautiful creation. Just horrible. So, for the friends I have left and the friends I have made along the way, take care of your hearts---they're precious and they're fragile.
I feel that the clarity is liberating…but it is heartbreaking, too, and it's hard to move past it so quickly. In fact, it's fishy that some people can…
So, please, please be patient. I have a lot to figure out.
